Wisdom From a 17 Year Old in Rehab

I am a math tutor. Several of my clients are boys at a drug rehab center who contracts me out. I spend a great deal of time with these boys, one on one, replacing the curriculum they lost (usually grades 4-9) while they were doing drugs. Most of them grew up in very wealthy homes. Some of their parents funded their addictions. My observations over the past 2.5 years have been that this center does an excellent job helping these boys move out of very destructive patterns into lives of recovery. Most of them never go home permanantly. They stay in treatment until they move into another program that helps them transition into adulthood. I have seen many success stories.

Currently, I am working with a boy who has been in recovery for about 1.5 years. I have been tutoring him for almost a year of that time. He has become a very responsible, considerate, honest, hard-working boy. His transformation has been remarkable.

This morning I asked him what advice he had for a mother of a young boy. He told me he thought I was smart to ask him, because he knows so much about what can really harm kids. He opened up to me about some of his life experiences. He told me about selling drugs, committing violent acts with skinheads, and being beaten nearly to death. He told me about being kicked out and living on the streets of a huge urban city during a very cold winter. He told me about being arrested more than 20 times. He told me about driving drunk. As he told me these devastating experiences, I could see the sorrow in his eyes. Not sorrow for himself, but regret for the sorrow he has caused. He told me that one of the horrors he has to deal with daily is that he has done so much to hurt so many, and he has no way to fix it all. Perhaps the most painful memories of all were those he told me the pain he caused his family.

While he blames no one but himself for the choices he has made, he did talk to me about some of the factors that he felt influenced him. He told me that he had access to money without being required to work. He told me that when parents think they are helping their kids by giving them everything they want, they are actually hurting them. Kids don't need stuff. Kids need boundaries. He told me that now that he has boundaries, he feels safe. Parents have more influence than they think. He believes that privileges should always be tied to appropriate behavior. When behavior is inappropriate, all privileges should be taken. He also said that sometimes (especially when kids are older) their parents have to accept that they can't control them anymore, and they need to let their kids bottom out, and accept that it is not their fault. He told me about hitting bottom. He said it was one of the best things that ever happened to him. It gave him the desire to change.

When I have tutoring sessions like today, I feel like I'm the one learning the more important lessons.

Still Working on These Names with Logan

Gasoline

Goliath

Peter (not to be confused with his cousin and playmate)

Quotes from Logan's 2nd Birthday

Daddy, tell me bout your day.

Can I bite your sandwich?

Sing Happy Birthday one more time. (Sing) Sing Happy Birthday one more time. (Sing) Sing Happy Birthday one more time. (Sing) Now sing about froggies.

Hey, help me with this. This is hard. It is hard to do this. Help. (Putting on shoes)

See what happens? (Amazed at his new magnets)

Can I read the book to ya?

I can do it all by myself. (Taking paper off birthday cupcake)

The lizard don't eat my gum. (Toy lizard apparently isn't a significant threat to gum chewing)

Here's a blanket for ya... can I have that blanket? Oh, we're sharing!

Can I blow on it for ya? (My pasta)

Can I hold you? (Wants me to pick him up)

I reply: Logan, you're getting too big.

He replies: I'm so tiny.

Where's more candies? I eat em all gone.

(Handing him a glass to drink out of) You have to be soooooo careful.

Mommy, read me this book.

Reply: Logan, this kind of book is a calendar.

Logan: No it's not.

Daddy, can I have a piece of gum.

Reply: I don't have any gum.

Logan: Maybe in your car?

The Best Present I Ever Gave Myself

As We Suffer Through the Last Few Weeks of Winter...

we are fondly remembering our beach trip  (of which I never posted pics).  Hopefully our happy memories will help us endure.

Apparently Logan Likes Mangy

A couple of nights ago I slept with wet hair. It was a mess when I woke up. I walked into Logan's room when I heard him stirring. He opened his eyes and looked up at me with a curious expression and said,

"Your hair looks good Mom."

Big Boy Bed

I guess my mom got tired of me resisting my little one growing up.  One night while I was away she had my step-dad convert Logan's crib into a toddler bed.  Needless to say, Logan is thrilled.  He is actually doing much better staying in his room.  Every night when he climbs into bed he says, "Grandpa fixed it for me!"

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa.

Here's to Brave Moms Everywhere

I spent the day with my friend Lilli and her two little ones. Her three year old Grace did not eat her lunch. Lilli told her that if she chose not to eat her lunch she would not be able to eat any snacks until dinner.

A couple of hours later we decided to take the kids to Arctic Circle to have ice cream and play. In the craziness of the afternoon, Lilli (and I) forgot about the promised lunch consequence. After ordering our treats, Lilli remembered. Instead of going back on her word, she chose the hard road of calmly and kindly telling Grace that she could play on the equipment, but she couldn't have any icecream because she chose not to eat her lunch. Grace wailed and cried. She even exclaimed through tears, "I just can't believe it!" Lilli persevered through the embarrasing display. The kind employees at Arctic Circle even came into the play area twice to offer courtesy cones in hopes to help calm Grace. After a few minutes, she resumed playing. This was a small victory in teaching Grace that our choices carry consequences. When we make a choice, we had better make sure we want what comes with it.

I admire parents who choose to be conisitent and do what they say they are going to do. This builds trust and enstills a sense of security in children. Children who can trust that their parents words and behavior will match feel safe. How wonderful to learn important life lessons when you are three years old in Arctic Circle rather than when you are an adult, and there is much more at stake.

Pics at the Park

Suggestions?

Logan started sleeping through the night when he was 10 days old.  For those of you who hate me now, don't.  I've had plenty of other rough things to make up for that lovely blessing.  Anyway, he learned how to climb out of his crib recently.  This new exciting activity has greatly disrupted his consistent sleep habits.  Basically, whenever it is time to sleep he climbs out of his bed and stands at his door and screams.  He can't open his door because after several days of him escaping, I put a handle on it that he can't open.  I've had a few suggestions already:

1.  Put his crib upside down (cage him in).  

2.  Take the springs off of his crib all together and put the mattress on the floor.  The top of the mattress is still higher than the bottom of the crib.  Hopefully dropping the mattress a few inches will make it so he can't escape.

3.  Benadryl.

4.  Just give in.  Give him a toddler bed and accept it.  This, however, still doesn't solve the screaming at the door problem.

So far, I'm considering option two as a temporary fix.  Has anyone else figured this one out yet?