The formation of a positive individual identity is complex, and factors in many things. Among them:
1. The ability to set goals, organize, and reach them (actual achievement)
2. Appropriate understanding of important social roles (e.g. spouse, parent, friend, etc.)
3. Self-regulation and self-awareness
4. Capacity for fun and enjoyment
Interestingly, many parents try to help their children develop a positive identity by telling them how wonderful they are. I find myself doing it. If children are actually doing wonderful things, there certainly is a place for praise and positive reinforcement, but this is not the key to a child's personal feelings of worth and positive self-esteem. Those internal feelings of worth can be achieved through successfully applying the principles in the list above.
Application:
I am trying to use praise for exceptional behavior, and express gratitude for expected behavior. When applicable, I help Logan learn principles from the list above. For a one-year-old, that includes things like:
1. Understanding the parent child relationship.
2. Not being indulged in whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. Delayed gratification is an important skill for little people. I don't want him to grow up and feel entitled.
3. Find happiness and fun in relationships, new adventures, and daily activities.
4. Learning to work with me and be helpful. My mom always reminds me that children learn to feel capable when they are two and three year olds.
Does anyone see any other practical applications?
2 comments:
I like those criteria. Self regulate that really leaves it up to the individual doesn't it. That's my whole goal as a fourth grade teacher trying to get those kids to s.r.....and do their job.
I love that you read great books and share the wonderful insights from them! I don't find myself reading much since I've had 2 kids so I'm glad that I can always look at your blog and find some inspiration or a practical application!
One thing I've noticed that helps with my boy is if I give him choices so he feels like he has some say in what goes on. If I offer him 2 different outfits to wear and he gets to pick which one he likes best, then we both win...cause I decided which 2 outfits were ok and he still got to feel like he had some say in it. (I don't always do this, but it sure helps when I do!)
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