Texts

It has been a rough week.

Among other hard things, we had a death in our family.  My sister-in-law was killed in an accident.  She had three little boys.  Her husband is now a single dad.  So many emotions accompany a tragedy like this one, including the sadness I feel for her children.  I lost a parent to cancer when I was 7.  I know the hard road that lies ahead for those sweet boys.  I also know the miracles God allows to children who have angel parents.

I have been overwhelmed by little things like having to check my phone messages.  There are so many of them.  I appreciate text messages right now.  They require less emotional energy to manage.  Sometimes reading is easier than talking or listening when you are sad.  

Lawn Mowing

Topher and I spent Saturday morning helping my brother in his yard.  I got the mower out to mow his front lawn, and Logan (who has never seen a lawn mower) got very excited.  He insisted on helping.  We turned the mower off and let him have a go.  If he could have, he would have pushed it all by himself.  He tried very hard.  Grandma stepped in to help.

Now I know why there are two bars to hold onto.  One is for big people and one is for little people.

Thanks for the fun Grandma!  

Wisdom from My Mama

Don't tell your children they ARE what you do not want them to BE.

My mom is always reminding me how perceptive children are.  They tend to pick up on things we say about them.  She has always told me not to say things like, "Oh, Logan is such a picky eater. He hates carrots." or "Logan is bad at sharing his toys."  These things are better left unsaid, or stated differently.  "I'm working with Logan on trying new foods." or "Logan is learning to share." 

Logan is only one, but he understands a great deal of what I say.  He hears me talk about him. Today I caught myself saying how much he doesn't like wearing shoes.  That will do nothing but exaggerate the problem.  If it doesn't exaggerate it, it certainly can't help.  If children have qualities that you do not think are desirable, work on them instead of constantly stating them in front of your child.  

This truth was so evident in my classroom.  Whenever I had a parent come in with their child on the first day of school to tell me how bad of a student they were, or how they never kept their desk cleaned out, I cringed!  Children believe the things we tell them about themselves.  It is important to be positive whenever possible.  It is also important to correct and train.  That can usually be accomplished without negative criticism.

I have learned a lot of great lessons from my own childhood and from my classroom,  but sometimes it is still difficult to implement the them with Logan.  If any of you catch me not taking my own advice, let me know.

Tender Mercies

I do not believe in coincidences.

I believe that God orchestrates miracles in our lives.  Sometimes they are big ones.  Sometimes they are little ones.  Today I had both.

Here is one of the little ones.

Topher and I went out for a date.  A new shop opened up by our house.  They sell gelato.  For anyone who hasn't tried this tasty italian treat, it is time you do. I tried the peach mango sorbet.  It was a simple pleasure that I felt grateful to enjoy.  I am so glad for the little things in life that make it a little bit sweeter, especially on a hard day.

How About That?

Thanks for the design help Lilli.  I'm still deciding between circles and stripes.

Readers... Is it hard to read on this yellow swirly paper?

ABC

Here you go Boo and Kristen

A Attached or Single?  Attached to Topher for 11 years with a long break in the middle.

B Best Friend?  Ooooh... I have lots of those.  Different bests for different reasons.

C Cake or Pie? Johnny Carinos chocolate cake, coconut cream pie.

D Day of Choice? I really love the 24th of July.  I like homemade burgers and watching the fireworks with my grandparents at their cabin.  Topher and I spend it with them every year.

E Essential Items? Coconut extract, my husband's razor (he always lets me shave my legs with it), my pressure cooker.

F Favorite Color? Blue - it reminds me of oceans, skies, eyes, and BYU.

G Gummy Bears or Worms? I'm not into gummies.  My husband loves them.  I'm into chocolate.  

H Hometown? Sandy, UT

I Indulgence? Hot chocolate and shopping the Target clearance racks. 

J January or July? No contest.  July.

K Kids? My little Logan - 14 months.

L Life isn't complete without? One or two fun trips a year.  I love cruising and camping.

M Marriage date? February 7, 2004.  It was the day of the worst snowstorm that year.

N Number of siblings? Only one.  I love my little brother!  

O Oranges or Apples? I love oranges at Christmastime.  I also LOVE fresh orange juice.

P Phobias? I used to be afraid my husband would die and leave me a young widow.  I'm not afraid anymore.

Q Quote? "The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong." -Gandhi

R Reasons to smile? Springtime, health, listening to my baby learn new words, The Office.

S Season of Choice? All of them but winter.

T Tag? Brenna

U Unknown Fact about Me? I love camping on the beach in the winter.

V Vegetable? Lately spinach and beets.  Raw spinach, cooked beets.

W Worst Habit? I do not load the dishwasher neatly.  My husband re-loads it often.

X X-Ray or Ultrasound? I hate getting X-Rays at the dentist.  Those cardboard things you bite on hurt my gums and cheeks.  I loved seeing Logan for the first time on Ultrasound.

Y Your favorite food? I never get sick of Hawaiian pizza or tropical fruits.  

Z Zodiac? Gemini, about which I know nothing. 

Lessons I Learned Teaching that are Helping Me as a Mom

1.  Kids long for structure, routines, and boundaries.  They make them feel safe.  Most kids act out to find boundaries. 

2.  Little children have flexible, interested, excited brains.  Don't smash them.

3.  Reinforcing behavior (positively or negatively) causes that behavior to increase.

4.  Children are perceptive about the way you feel about them.

5.  Self-esteem comes from successful personal experiences, not from having someone tell you that you are wonderful at everything regardless of whether you are or not.

6.  Consequences (positive and negative) are powerful tools.

7.  Children can be taught to work.

8.  Don't say you are going to do something unless you intend to do it.

9.  Take time to listen.

10. Notice and compliment praiseworthy behavior.

What We Want More than Flowers and Chocolates

Happy Mother's Day.  Listen up Hubbies and Kiddos.  Most of these ideas don't cost a penny.

1.  Vacuum and dust the house.

2.  Write us a letter telling us why you love us.

3.  Cook dinner, set the table, and clean up.

4.  Weed the yard and sweep the walks.

5.  Write down 10 things you are grateful for that we do.

6.  Clean the oven and microwave.  Leave a love note telling us you did it.

7.  Scrub the shower and tub.  Thank us for all of the soap scum free showers you've enjoyed.

8.  Watch the kids so we can take a bath, shave our legs, and paint our toenails.  

9.  Rent a movie we like and watch it with us.

10. Get the kids ready for bed, read them books, and tuck them in.

11. Get a babysitter and take us on a picnic and out for hot chocolate.

12. Give us $20 and tell us to go buy ourselves a new shirt (or several if you are an excellent bargain shopper like me).

13. Let us sleep in.  Take the kids out so the house is quiet.

14. Bring us breakfast in bed.

15. Walk around for the whole day and pick up toys, put away dishes, change diapers, and sweep up crumbs so we don't have to.

If you would like to purchase a gift, please consider the following:

1.  One flower says the same thing as two dozen.  Flowers you can plant are also great better than cut flowers in my opinion.  Get a perennial so it comes up year after year.

2.  Go light on the desserts.  Most women I know are trying to lose weight, or maintain the weight they have.  I love getting one truffle much more than I love getting a whole box.

3.  Purchasing a gift in lieu of expressing gratitude, kindness, and helpfulness on Mother's Day is not that great.

4.  Write a card or letter to accompany any gift.

5.  If you are in doubt of what to purchase, ask one of her girlfriends or daughters.  They will rarely steer you wrong.

The best gift I was ever given was right before I delivered Logan.  I was out for the day attending a baby shower.  When I came home, Topher had scoured the entire house.  He cleaned out the fridge, polished every fixture, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned toilets, washed all of the floors and mirrors, and even cleaned the oven (he didn't know our oven was self-cleaning and he did the whole thing by hand).  Dinner was ready, and so was the pasta salad we were in charge of making for a family dinner the next day.  I have never felt more loved.

Coconut

I love coconut everything.  It must be the island girl in me.

I always keep coconut and coconut extract in my cupboard.  It makes an excellent addition to smoothies, brownies, and frostings.  Last night I made strawberry coladas for dessert.  They were just a strawberry, banana, and pineapple smoothie with coconut extract.  Yum.  

For Logan's birthday this year I made chocolate cupcakes with coconut flavored buttercream  frosting and coconut on top.  

I always have a coconut candle burning when I take a bath.

I love the chocolate coconut popsicle at Costa Vida.

Sometimes I wrap my hair in a towel and sleep with coconut oil in my hair.  I wash it out in the morning.

I love coconut Yoplait yogurt.

I miss the islands.  They had lots of coconuts there.  

Working with Kids

I went to a conference at BYU last week.  One of the classes I attended was on teaching your children to work.  They told us that it is perhaps the greatest remedy for selfishness - a plague of our day.  

I came away with a greater resolve to let Logan work with me, even though it takes twice as long to get a task accomplished.  He is only fourteen months old, but he is already eager to participate in whatever I'm doing.  My mom has always reminded me that children learn to feel capable and be helpful when they are two, three, and four-year olds, not twelve, thirteen, and fourteen-year olds.  When I was a little girl she let me sweep the floor, do the dishes, dust, and vacuum with her, instead of shooing me away so she could work quickly.  She cultivated a great love of work in me.  I so appreciate her patience.  Learning to work hard and be self-reliant is perhaps one of the greatest lessons I learned from her. 

Goals I have to help Logan learn to be a good worker:

1.  Let him help me do laundry.  He loves putting the wet clothes in the dryer, and pushing the button to start the load.

2.  Whenever possible, let him help me pick up toys and books instead of doing it myself.

3.  Take pictures of him working in addition to the pictures I take of him playing.  The picture above is of Logan cleaning up under his high chair.

4.  Let him stay with me when I'm working on a project, even if he is "in my way".

5.  Let him see me (and help me) help others.

Sick of Picking Up Toys? Try This.

Does anyone reading this get sick of picking up books and toys?

I do.

I did something recently that is helping simplify my life in that regard.  I pulled about half of Logan's toys out of his toy baskets and almost all of them out of his room.  I am doing a toy rotation.  The extra toys are in baskets in a closet.  I'll change them out when he starts to get sick of the ones that he has.  Half as many toys is half as many to pick up.  I am doing the same thing with books.  I only keep 5 or 6 books out in his room.  

Benefits I've seen so far:

1.  It is easier to keep the house clean.

2.  Logan is learning to help clean up his own toys.  It is not overwhelming for him because there aren't very many toys to pick up.  He will work with me until the room is clean instead of getting distracted and making another mess.

3.  Fewer books allow for more repetition.  We read the same books every day for a week or two.  Logan is learning new words every day (he has about 40).  Many of them are from the books we are reading.

4.  Logan is focusing on one activity for longer periods of time.  He has fewer distractions.

5.  When I rotate the toys, Logan gets excited because he thinks they are all new.  This gives me more minutes during the day when he plays independently.

When Am I Ever Gonna Have to Use This?

My friend called me this week to ask me a question about her child's math homework. After I walked her through solving the problem, she complained about how useless it is to learn how to divide fractions. I've thought a lot about that complaint.

As a teacher, I realize that every child won't find all of the curriculum they learn in school useful in their daily lives. I don't remember everything I learned in school. As parents of children receiving an education, it is important to recognize that more is being learned than a math procedure when a child has to practice and master an academic concept. Education is about more than dividing fractions and diagraming sentences. Education is about teaching our children to organize and connect information, discipline their minds and bodies, listen to and follow directions, complete tasks, be responsible for their own posessions, and to have respect for themselves, their peers, and those with authority. Classrooms are a great environment for learning to solve problems in social situations, whether they be with a teacher, a friend, or a bully. As adults all of these skills are very applicable to our daily lives! Parents can do their children a big favor by looking for opportunities to teach them important life skills while they are practicing multiplication tables and writing science fair reports.

Instead of complaining right along with your child when they are frustrated, focus on helping them overcome whatever they are struggling with. Some phrases I used as a teacher when a child was frustrated were:

-I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated with division, come sit by me and I'll help you.

-Let's look in the book and read the directions again together. They will probably make more sense the second time.

-It sounds like recess was really tough today. What can you do to have a better experience tomorrow?

-I'm sorry you are feeling upset with your teacher, what are you learning from this experience? How can you have a better experience in their class for the rest of the year?

-Have you tried telling your teacher/friend that you are feeling this way? Get some paper and I'll help you write them a note.

The bottom line is, children often adopt the attitudes of the adults they are around. We have a responsibility to teach them how to be persistent, positive, and hard working where their education is concerned, and where their lives are concerned.