Wisdom From Someone Smarter Than Me

We attended a marriage seminar shortly after Logan was born. It was timely considering our new life as parents was drastically different from our former life of do whatever you want whenever you want newlyweds. We waited a few years after marrying to have children. I'm grateful for the time we had to build a strong foundation together. It helped me accept the changes parenthood requires much more easily.
I don't remember the guy's name who gave the seminar, but I remember some of the things he said. I took notes on a carbon copy from my check book, and I still keep it in my wallet to refer to occasionally.

Two points he made were particularly interesting and helpful:

Marriage is comprised of three stages-
1. Yearning (usually lasts about 3 years characterized by high chemicals and low clarity)
2. Earning (the long haul in the middle characterized by low chemicals and high clarity)
3. Enduring Love (earned through service, kindness, and patience throughout the other two stages)

The things we consider problems in our marriages are usually not the problem (Too many sports, money, not helping pick up socks, leaving curlers out on the bathroom counter, etc...). The foundation of most problems we face are rooted a lack of one or more of the following.

Safety
Trust
Appreciation
Respect
Validation
Encouragement

Dedication

STARVED is the acronym that helps us remember these 7 human needs. Sometimes I ask Topher for a "revealation". That allows him to tell me when I'm not meeting a need. It has been helpful for us.